These gems are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Old Lady in court.....
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abler died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: He began to rub my b***s.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited.I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really "spicy" so
I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him.
Want to know what tactics used by Pepsi for increasing sales..
Check out .... :-)
Hey Guys,
Just found a website where you can search any song you like. You can search it through:
-artist
-albums
-song titles
-lyrics
-videos
and it brings back thousands of results and not only can you download them but you can stream them first if you want. Amazing results and very satisfactory experience for searching the songs.
http://www.iwantmuzik.com
some really nice apps for Nokia 5800
1. MooLan: 'MooLan' is a space shuttle pilot maneouvering game which utilizes handset accelerometer and proximity sensors as well as the camera. The game concept is adapted from the classic 'Moon Lander' game but takes it in a new direction through the innovative use of platform functionalities.
2. Sensitive: 'Sensitive 5800' is a highly addictive freeware gamer for 5th edition devices that mixes hot action with tricky puzzles.
3. SudokuMaster: a deceptively simple game of logic, Sudoku is puzzling players all over world.
4. Fring: a great program for instant messaging.
5. SMS timer: 'SMS timer' allows you to schedule when to send your messages.
6. Phone torch: 'PhoneTorche' uses the flash LED in the phone to give light.. it's really handy!
7. MicroPool: a nice billiard game with some nice visual and sound effects
8. RescoBubbles: my personal favourite! too bad it's a demo though :/
9. Solitaire: i love this one!
Download breakfast icons:
23 icons | 128x128 | ico & png | 1,57 MB
Download:
http://uploading.com/files/CN6BAU65/breakfast-icons.zip.html
Check out the creative wallpapers.
Download from here:
http://hotfile.com/dl/170537/438b34c/Funny-gfx.softarchive.net.zip.html
http://uploading.com/files/TKGQGPW8/Funny-gfx.softarchive.net.zip.html
http://rapidshare.com/files/219627309/Funny-gfx.softarchive.net.zip
Hey Guys,
Want to know the inspiration behind Google Chrome Logo. Here is the secret:
A first-grade teacher, Ms SMITH (Age 28) was having trouble with one of
her students
The teacher asked,”Boy. what is your problem?”
Boy. answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade! .My sister is in
the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!”
Ms SMITH had enough. She took Boy. to the principal’s office.
While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms SMITH he would
give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was
to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed
to take the test.
Princi! pal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Boy.: “9″.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Boy.: “36″.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at Ms SMITH and tells her, “I think Boy.
can go to the third-grade.”
Ms SMITH says to the principal, “I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?” The principal and Boy. both agree.
Ms SMITH asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment “Legs.”
Ms SMITH: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Boy.: “Pockets.”
Ms SMITH: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,
oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms SMITH: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And
sticky? The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could
stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms SMITH: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting
down and a dog does on three legs? The principal’s eyes open
really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms SMITH: Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms SMITH: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms SMITH: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re
bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was
looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms SMITH: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms SMITH: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms SMITH: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot
of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms SMITH: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u don’t get
it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms SMITH: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife
after they’re married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms SMITH: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots
of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
“Send this Boy. to CAMBRIDGE University, I got the last ten questions
wrong myself!”
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
